Fragmentary, Post 2: "Heartbreak"
Mending the Broken Pieces of Relationships Lost
by Anonymous, An Unspoken Voices Contributor
As cliche as it may be, heartbreak is a unique, deep kind of pain. Contrary to popular belief, heartbreak can be caused by things other than just romantic relationship breakups. I had never experienced heartbreak quite as deep as I did in the year of 2015. This heartbreak really did, in a way, break me, but ultimately, changed my life for the better.
On December 23, 2014, my grandfather passed away from cancer. My family had gathered together with him at his house when he passed. It was beautiful, but still tragic and extremely painful for us all. Watching him wither away and pass on hurt me deeply.
Only a few short weeks after, my boyfriend and I of over 2 years decided that our relationship was no longer going to work out. I had seen this coming for some time, and I wanted it—needed it, really—to end, but I lost my best friend that day. Letting go of our memories and accepting a future without him hurt me deeply.
A few months after, I was still mourning both losses but was doing better. I was back in school and was spending my energy on other things. I started talking to someone online. Over time, it developed into something somewhat serious. I opened myself completely up to him. I was vulnerable, I was naive. I was infatuated. He did not feel the same. After reeling me in and using me, he ended things because it was “best” for me. He said goodbye and never looked back.
Waking up with him deleted from my life hurt me deeply.
Within 6 months, I had gone from never experiencing a breakup or loss of a close loved one, to losing three very important men in my life. I felt so lost, so empty, so broken. I was uncomfortable and mourning and didn’t know how to process my emotions. I had never felt heartbreak like this before and was convinced I never wanted to feel this way again. I didn’t know how I could repair this damage.
But I did.
I started reading poetry.
It was the one thing that could put my feelings into words—into substance rather than just buzzing in my head and in my gut. I met someone who taught me what it was like to be treated with compassion, with patience, and with respect. I spent hours sitting outside, listening to the trees talk and the flowers sing.
It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t linear, but piece by piece, I put the broken pieces in my life back together.